Year Two, Week Twenty-Two: “Ukulele Christmas”


Charlie, I just got divorced
and now I’m pregnant
I swear I just don’t know where my head went
It’s not worth the pain
to get up most days

Charlie this is supposed to be my prime
After all I’m a white girl in her twenties
My life’s supposed to be all set
I’m not supposed to be worrying about
running out of monies
Oh Charlie
They kicked me out of Whole Foods for putting
quinoa in my bra

But I’ve got my ukulele
But I’ve got my ukulele
I’ve got my ukulele

Charlie it’s tough to find a job
be it a babysitter or a barista
Can’t get your foot in the door
Can’t even get a hello nice to meet ya
Oh Charlie
I almost threw myself in the lake
I’ve had about all I can take

Charlie I know it’s Christmas
But I don’t feel like celebrating Jesus
How I miss going to my parents’ vacation home
and drinking french wines and runny cheeses
Oh Charlie, can’t you see
Nobody in the world has it worse than me

But I’ve got my ukulele
Yes I’ve got my ukulele
I’m a white girl in my twenties
And I’ve got my ukulele

Yes I’m a straight
upper middle class
white girl
born in the last quarter of the twentieth century
anglo saxon protestant
natural born citizen
with a private education
and a degree in arts administration
And I give money to Greenpeace
every month from my dad’s bank account
so yes I have earned this calf leather clutch
And of course I believe that Black Lives Matter
but I swear to God if these protesters in Daley Plaza
keep me from getting my bubble tea in the morning–
And come to think of it, Charlie,
don’t All Lives Matter? I think they do, Charlie
especially mine, and I won’t just lay down for a
bunch of thugs and rapists–
and come to think of it
how come there’s not White History Month, Charlie?
Why don’t I ever get to be special?
Goddamn it, I’m voting for Donald Trump
he’s got some good ideas

But I’ve got my ukulele
Oh I’ve got my ukulele
It’s Christmas and I’ve got
my ukulele

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s